Happy Second Birthday

My miracle baby is two years old. I can't help but head down memory lane as I'm laying next to him listening to him breathe. TWO. That means that approximately 2 years and 8 months ago, we beat infertility and Grayson began growing in my tummy. Technically, he began growing even 8 months before that because he got to chill with his twin in a freezer for a while. It still blows my mind. 

Here is a photo of Grayson and his sibling the day they were frozen in 2011. Technically they are 5 day old blastocysts. 

Here they are again 8 months later right before they were transferred to my womb. They are both hatching out of their Zona Pellucida.

This was my very first positive pregnancy test with Grayson. My beta hcg levels were only at a 6.5 that morning. This was only 4 days after my frozen embryo transfer. The second line takes a trained infertile eye to see. 4-15-12

This test was taken 6 days after my embryo transfer, so 2 days after the first photo. It was still pretty faint, but visible. 4-17-12

Digital tests were still telling me no at this point. I had already confirmed my pregnancy through blood work though so it didn't bother me. By that evening the second line was pretty dark and the digital test finally said yes! 4-17-12

All of this is still so fresh on my memory. It's been over TWO years. It's difficult to wrap my brain around that fact. It was such a swift change in my life. The infertility roller coaster is one that feels never ending. It strapped me in and it felt like I would be stuck on that ride forever. There were years of battle, tears, planning, hoping, praying and fighting for a child. Suddenly, it was all over. It was like someone slammed on the breaks of that coaster and shoved me off. There was a moment of disorient. Was this really true? Was it really my turn? Cautious optimism quickly turned into complete joy.

...and now my baby is TWO years old. He has taught me everything about life. He started before he was even conceived and he will continue on tomorrow and the next day. He is independent and determined. He is loving. He is content with his life. He is a happy, healthy, wild little man. He makes the mornings worth doing. He is encouragement and hope. He lights up my life. He is my tiny teacher. He holds my heart in his little hands. He is more than I ever thought to pray for. He is perfect for me.

Knowing what I know now and understanding God's plan, it doesn't make sense to question Him. I would have waited 5 more years for Grayson. God gave me the perfect child for me at the perfect time for me. If Grayson would have been born 3 years sooner, he would have a completely different life. He would have different friends, he would be older than some of his friends. Jason and I would have been at different points in our lives. We would have lived in a different house. He would have attended a different church. He might have a sibling by now. He would be the oldest cousin instead of the youngest. In the future, he would start school a different year, have different classmates, graduate sooner. He would date different people, marry someone completely different, have children at different times than he will. Have grandchildren at different times and so on. Not to mention, his parents would be different for not experiencing the years of anguish in waiting for him. I would've been a good mom still, but I would lack much of the appreciation I could only gain through my wait. All things considered, if Grayson had been born when I would have chosen, Grayson wouldn't be Grayson at all. God knew my Grayson was the Grayson for me.

When I think of it all that way, it makes perfect sense. God needed Grayson born the exact day, the exact hour he was born in order for the rest of his life to fall into place. 

When we look past our own desires and consider God's greater plan, we can develop a sense of peace. With peace comes patience. Patience requires faith and faith is what it's all about my friends. 

I pray that Grayson understands the concept that God has taught me through him. I pray for him to seek the path of the Lord all the days of his life. That is the only way he will find the peace and absolute joy that I have found. I pray that he has the strong, unshakable faith that I have been granted. I pray that he truly understands grace and love.

I will never in this lifetime be able to fully express what you mean to me. Maybe there are heavenly words for that. Happy second birthday my little angel. This photo is a perfect reminder of what I know to be true. Joy comes in the morning.