Happy Second Birthday

My miracle baby is two years old. I can't help but head down memory lane as I'm laying next to him listening to him breathe. TWO. That means that approximately 2 years and 8 months ago, we beat infertility and Grayson began growing in my tummy. Technically, he began growing even 8 months before that because he got to chill with his twin in a freezer for a while. It still blows my mind. 

Here is a photo of Grayson and his sibling the day they were frozen in 2011. Technically they are 5 day old blastocysts. 

Here they are again 8 months later right before they were transferred to my womb. They are both hatching out of their Zona Pellucida.

This was my very first positive pregnancy test with Grayson. My beta hcg levels were only at a 6.5 that morning. This was only 4 days after my frozen embryo transfer. The second line takes a trained infertile eye to see. 4-15-12

This test was taken 6 days after my embryo transfer, so 2 days after the first photo. It was still pretty faint, but visible. 4-17-12

Digital tests were still telling me no at this point. I had already confirmed my pregnancy through blood work though so it didn't bother me. By that evening the second line was pretty dark and the digital test finally said yes! 4-17-12

All of this is still so fresh on my memory. It's been over TWO years. It's difficult to wrap my brain around that fact. It was such a swift change in my life. The infertility roller coaster is one that feels never ending. It strapped me in and it felt like I would be stuck on that ride forever. There were years of battle, tears, planning, hoping, praying and fighting for a child. Suddenly, it was all over. It was like someone slammed on the breaks of that coaster and shoved me off. There was a moment of disorient. Was this really true? Was it really my turn? Cautious optimism quickly turned into complete joy.

...and now my baby is TWO years old. He has taught me everything about life. He started before he was even conceived and he will continue on tomorrow and the next day. He is independent and determined. He is loving. He is content with his life. He is a happy, healthy, wild little man. He makes the mornings worth doing. He is encouragement and hope. He lights up my life. He is my tiny teacher. He holds my heart in his little hands. He is more than I ever thought to pray for. He is perfect for me.

Knowing what I know now and understanding God's plan, it doesn't make sense to question Him. I would have waited 5 more years for Grayson. God gave me the perfect child for me at the perfect time for me. If Grayson would have been born 3 years sooner, he would have a completely different life. He would have different friends, he would be older than some of his friends. Jason and I would have been at different points in our lives. We would have lived in a different house. He would have attended a different church. He might have a sibling by now. He would be the oldest cousin instead of the youngest. In the future, he would start school a different year, have different classmates, graduate sooner. He would date different people, marry someone completely different, have children at different times than he will. Have grandchildren at different times and so on. Not to mention, his parents would be different for not experiencing the years of anguish in waiting for him. I would've been a good mom still, but I would lack much of the appreciation I could only gain through my wait. All things considered, if Grayson had been born when I would have chosen, Grayson wouldn't be Grayson at all. God knew my Grayson was the Grayson for me.

When I think of it all that way, it makes perfect sense. God needed Grayson born the exact day, the exact hour he was born in order for the rest of his life to fall into place. 

When we look past our own desires and consider God's greater plan, we can develop a sense of peace. With peace comes patience. Patience requires faith and faith is what it's all about my friends. 

I pray that Grayson understands the concept that God has taught me through him. I pray for him to seek the path of the Lord all the days of his life. That is the only way he will find the peace and absolute joy that I have found. I pray that he has the strong, unshakable faith that I have been granted. I pray that he truly understands grace and love.

I will never in this lifetime be able to fully express what you mean to me. Maybe there are heavenly words for that. Happy second birthday my little angel. This photo is a perfect reminder of what I know to be true. Joy comes in the morning.

My Kids Won't Do THAT

I recall many times before I was expecting, during pregnancy and when Grayson was a bitty baby that I witnessed other children doing things and I thought to myself "I'll never let mine do that."

While there actually are many things that I have followed through with not doing or allowing, there are a lot of things I have loosened up on. Here are some things I am now eating my own words on...

Toddler eating in the car: check! This is almost impossible not to do.

Eating food anywhere except in the kitchen or at the table: over it! Mr. Dyson will handle that.

Have the "Why is that kid only wearing a diaper?" kid in Walmart: That passed quickly with a reflux baby who puked all over himself in the middle of the store

Buy "characters": Kind of hard not to when he asks and gives me a huge grin. Bring on the Finding Nemo cups.

Dirt. Just everything dirt. That's what the washing machine is for.

Opening food before we buy it at the grocery store. He can develop some patience.: No, he can't, not at the grocery store. We'll work on patience elsewhere. Nobody wants to deal with a hangry Grayson.

Playing before eating at Chick-Fil-A: I get to eat my meal in peace and he always comes out of the play area on his own time and devours his when he is ready. Bonus: It isn't "hot hot hot" anymore by that time.

Mismatched clothing: I know it's sunny out, but the dude wants to wear his rain boots today, okay? I dig his style.

Fast food... Need I say more? Sometimes we be in a hurry yo.

Sleeping in my bed: Add me to the accidental cosleepers club (wouldn't trade those snuggles)

Early bed time: Hey, the later he stays up the later he sleeps in.

Anybody else? I know I'm not the only one. Add a few of yours to the list!

Unsolicited Parenting Advice

Since Grayson was born, I have waited for the day that a stranger feels the need to butt into my parenting. I used to go overkill with blankets, socks, coats, etc in order to completely avoid the situation. I hated the thought of being harshly judged by the little old ladies in the grocery store. After all, I had gone through so much to become a mother that I imagined it would feel as though someone was trying to take away my credibility. Infertility caused sensitivity issues in places I didn't know existed. At some point after Grayson's first birthday, I gained the confidence to trust my own judgment and didn't really worry about anyone else anymore. Sigh of relief.

With that being said, after almost 2 years, it finally happened today. Someone stuck their nose in my business and peeked around a bit.

This morning we parked nearby the door at IHOP and I decided to grab Grayson and make a run for it since it was pouring down rain on me. As we were walking in, an elderly man said "Your little boy asked where his hat was mama?" I was caught completely off guard. At that point I felt of Grayson's face to make sure it wasn't cold and kindly told the man "It's in the car, but we're both so hot natured." His wife then says "oh girl, me too! I know how that is!" and the elderly man just smiled and looked at me content with my answer. 

How many of you were waiting for a good story about how I told somebody off and put them in their nosy place?

Sorry to disappoint. I know my heart is in a much better place than it used to be because I wasn't even the least bit annoyed. No, I didn't owe him an explanation, but a little grace goes a long way. People don't change by snarky comebacks. People change when they are shown kindness.

I can walk around all day expecting the worst out of others or I can take life on with a smile and a positive attitude. I can be assertive without being rude. I can remain respectful of the elderly as well as others and still get my point across. There are people who simply like to stir up trouble, but most people who I encounter truly mean well if I only take a moment to notice. 

Our elders grew up in a time where "it takes a village to raise a child." This man wasn't attempting to undermine my authority and I felt in no way threatened by his comments. This man was either genuinely concerned or was hoping to make small talk. Maybe he is an awkward person. Maybe he says all the wrong things at the wrong times. How will he learn any different if I react harshly? When I am confident in the decisions I have made for my child, nobody can shake me. When I carry Jesus in my heart everywhere I go, I can react more like He would.

I thank God for allowing that man to speak to me today. Thank You for testing my attitude and my heart. Please send me more opportunities like this so that I may grow, learn and become more like Jesus. Open my eyes and my heart Lord.