Unsolicited Parenting Advice

Since Grayson was born, I have waited for the day that a stranger feels the need to butt into my parenting. I used to go overkill with blankets, socks, coats, etc in order to completely avoid the situation. I hated the thought of being harshly judged by the little old ladies in the grocery store. After all, I had gone through so much to become a mother that I imagined it would feel as though someone was trying to take away my credibility. Infertility caused sensitivity issues in places I didn't know existed. At some point after Grayson's first birthday, I gained the confidence to trust my own judgment and didn't really worry about anyone else anymore. Sigh of relief.

With that being said, after almost 2 years, it finally happened today. Someone stuck their nose in my business and peeked around a bit.

This morning we parked nearby the door at IHOP and I decided to grab Grayson and make a run for it since it was pouring down rain on me. As we were walking in, an elderly man said "Your little boy asked where his hat was mama?" I was caught completely off guard. At that point I felt of Grayson's face to make sure it wasn't cold and kindly told the man "It's in the car, but we're both so hot natured." His wife then says "oh girl, me too! I know how that is!" and the elderly man just smiled and looked at me content with my answer. 

How many of you were waiting for a good story about how I told somebody off and put them in their nosy place?

Sorry to disappoint. I know my heart is in a much better place than it used to be because I wasn't even the least bit annoyed. No, I didn't owe him an explanation, but a little grace goes a long way. People don't change by snarky comebacks. People change when they are shown kindness.

I can walk around all day expecting the worst out of others or I can take life on with a smile and a positive attitude. I can be assertive without being rude. I can remain respectful of the elderly as well as others and still get my point across. There are people who simply like to stir up trouble, but most people who I encounter truly mean well if I only take a moment to notice. 

Our elders grew up in a time where "it takes a village to raise a child." This man wasn't attempting to undermine my authority and I felt in no way threatened by his comments. This man was either genuinely concerned or was hoping to make small talk. Maybe he is an awkward person. Maybe he says all the wrong things at the wrong times. How will he learn any different if I react harshly? When I am confident in the decisions I have made for my child, nobody can shake me. When I carry Jesus in my heart everywhere I go, I can react more like He would.

I thank God for allowing that man to speak to me today. Thank You for testing my attitude and my heart. Please send me more opportunities like this so that I may grow, learn and become more like Jesus. Open my eyes and my heart Lord.

Slow to Speak

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. James 1:19

Quick to listen: check!

Slow to become angry: check!

Slow to speak: ... In progress

Recently it has come to my attention that I need serious work in this area. 

A few weeks ago I was actually searching to find ammo against my husband on an issue. We disagreed about something and I was mad. I needed to prove him wrong. I wanted to be fully prepared to explain to him why his view wasn't Biblical and why I was right. 

Yes, I am stubborn. Yes, my daddy will tell anybody that I should have been a lawyer. I fight for what I believe in and want especially if I am passionate about something. If I want it bad enough, I work my butt and my brains off to make it happen one way or another, no matter what.

However, in this particular instance I was quickly humbled. In my searching to prove my point, God actually revealed something to me. Something that should already be intertwined into my being. 

Sometimes silence proves a point. At times, the best thing to do is stop speaking, be silent and trust the Lord to speak for you. Friends, I stopped searching for my ammo right then and there and I started praying. That's what I should have been doing all along. Almost instantly came the peace. 

...and I'll have you know that my husband did eventually come around on that disagreement. 

I'm turning a new leaf. The past few weeks I have been working hard on staying silent unless I have something productive to say. It's taking prayer and it will continue to take time, but I'm making progress day by day. As a result, my relationships are more peaceful. My life has been so much less stressful. I've had the freedom to mind only my own business which when I really start analyzing doesn't consist of much. No more attempting to control, manipulate or persuade. God's got this!

Spaghetti Brains

I once heard that women's brains are like spaghetti and men's brains are like waffles. Women tend to let every aspect of their thoughts run together while men compartmentalize and focus on one task at a time. Nothing brought this to light for me quite like becoming a mother has.

Recently my husband and I were loading up his bike and Grayson's bike trailer in the truck so they could go ride. There was an oil spill in our driveway that Jason had recently poured clean cat litter on in an attempt to soak the oil up. I had been keeping an eye on Grayson kicking around in the cat litter for about ten minutes when Jason noticed and told him stop. The conversation went something like this:

Jason: "Grayson get out of the cat litter you're going to get oil all over your shoes!"

Me: "He's been having a blast for ten minutes. Those are his play shoes anyway, but I checked to make sure the oil wasn't getting on them when he first started."

Jason: "How could you have done that? You were helping me load this trailer..."

Me: "Multitasking. I also pulled him out of the front seat of your truck. I took the bug spray out of his hands and put it up so he wouldn't play with it. I swatted a mosquito on his leg."

The list of physical things I had done in that ten minute period could have gone on for a while, but I stopped there. The list of mental thoughts I was having could have gone on for days. I was preparing in my mind what I would pack in his backpack to take to the trails. I was thinking about his snacks and the fact that he would need his water bottle that keeps liquids cold for hours because it was so hot. I noticed his cheeks were turning redder than they typically do in the heat and hoped that it was simply his 2 year molars causing the redness and not illness. I thought about the fact that it was a Saturday afternoon so we couldn't go to the doctor even if he did start running a fever. (Luckily it was only his molars.) I remembered that I needed to put the extra car seat back in his daddy's truck. He would need his blanket since after the ride he would be ready for his nap. I wondered how Jason was going to get his bike and trailer loaded back up on his own. (It was a tight squeeze and we all know women are better at fitting the entire sink into the dishwasher.) I was also planning what I was going to do during the hour that they would be riding. We all know the options are endless when you have an hour or two of free time. My wondering mind went on and on and on...

Here's my point: Women's brains don't stop. We are like the energizer bunny on his 6th cup of coffee. This post goes out to hopeful moms, expecting moms, stay at home moms, work at home moms, moms who work outside of the home and empty nesters. When it comes to our children, we are always trying to stay one step ahead. The world doesn't give us time to take a mental break. Once we make that decision to become a mother, our brains take on a whole knew perspective. Our days are no longer only about us, but about this extension of ourselves, our children. We are blessed to have a "spaghetti brain." How else could we keep up?

I see my husband watching TV, playing his xbox or loading up that trailer. I can't help but wonder what is going through his mind. I assume he is most likely fully focused on the task at hand.

So, men... this isn't a post to point out your weakness as I don't believe it is one. We know you do a lot and we appreciate that, truly. You have your own unique strengths. If your brains worked like ours we would live in an even more stressful world. We need people who compartmentalize. You are needed.

Mamas, this is a post to encourage you. Sometimes it is exhausting for our brains to have a seemingly faulty "off switch." We are made differently. To be a mother is a beautiful thing that we are honored to have the privilege. Having the ability to multitask enables us to be better moms for our children and better supporters of each other. God made us this way so that we may care for our children and our households the way that He intended.

Graysonology

"Oh mo!" You're almost two Little Man. You radiate sunshine and joy from the moment you wake me up with morning snuggles and kisses, until the moment you grab my hand and say "my bed" at night. My life is so full when you're around. You are entertainment every second of everyday.

Life with you goes a little something like this...

Dada brings you downstairs in the morning to snuggle with me before he leaves for work. Most of the time you grab my hand to hold and fall back asleep snuggled up against me. Sometimes you are awake for the day so we turn on one of your favorite movies and snuggle. Right now, your favorite is Finding Nemo. You love the part where the fish are chanting for Nemo to join their club. You chant right along and then finish off by exclaiming "SHARK BAIT!" It's adorable. At some point during our morning snuggle time, you decide you are ready to embrace the day. Usually you grab my hand and state "dI want dowwnnnn."

Most of the time we go straight to the potty or the refrigerator. You are halfway potty trained. You will tee-tee on the potty all day long, however you will only go standing up. You are completely opposed to sitting down on a toilet. I'm not sure how we are going to master #2.

Usually when we get to the fridge you tell me "I want a woohoo (Yoohoo drink)" It's the most adorable thing because the pitch in your voice becomes really high when you say "woohoo." Usually for breakfast you ask for sausage, "teese (cheese stick)", yogurt, or "that" while pointing at something totally random.

Lately, we have been going outside or to the park to play after breakfast. Some days, I run errands instead and you don't seem to mind either way. Usually after morning play or errand time you are ready for your nap. You are a NAPPER. You usually sleep at least 2 hours and most of the time 3.

After your nap we usually learn something together or work on a craft. Lately we have been working on colors. You are so into painting, coloring and drawing right now. I can already tell you have a passion for learning. You pick instructions up very quickly, even though you usually test your limits with me.

Normally Dada comes home shortly thereafter. We either cook dinner while you continue your artwork and learning or we pack up and go to dinner.

After dinner we play, talk and catch up with Dada. Usually you don't want much to do with Mama once Dada gets off of work. You want to soak in as much Dada time as you possibly can while hes home. I usually give you two time to play and catch up and I work on house chores or do something for myself during this time. Usually it's something about as simple as taking a shower.

This brings us to your BATH TIME! I'm pretty sure this is your absolute favorite time of the day. You literally spend at least an hour in the bath every night. Your water usually gets cold so I have to drain it and start over. You have even taken an interest in bathing yourself so I give you soap and let you do it first before I make sure you're completely spot free. Thanks to my good friend Mr. Magic Eraser, bath time is your time to get messy. I let you go to town on the bathtub. We have bath crayons, bath markers, bath paints, bath drops, kiddy shaving cream and your shower doors close completely so I even let you splash away. I have found some things are simply not worth stressing over. (Sidenote: I apologize if my child takes a bath at your house and splashes everywhere.) We do bath time big and fun around here.

I really wish I could put your adorableness into words. The words to describe you literally do not exist. Your personality teaches me something new daily. You make me strive to be a better person.

For example, the other day we were in the car. Another driver did something completely wrong and I had to slam on my breaks. They then proceeded to blame me when it was clearly their fault. I was furious initially, then you hollered "UH OH" at the perfect time and I couldn't help but laugh. It was hysterical.

It's times like these that it occurs to me how big you are now. It's a fact that you understand most of what is going on in the world around you. I am so glad that I have God to help me on this parenting journey because it would be extremely intimidating if I didn't. 

You have reached the stage where you can repeat pretty much any phrase. The words you most commonly use without any provoking are:

"Oh mo (no)"
"EWWWW"
"A bug" (stomps on said bug)
"All gone" (while throwing your hands up)
"BYEBYE" (very loudly)
"Hi bish n fog (fish and frog)" (approaching your aquarium pets)
"BYE bish (fish)" (EVERY night before bed)
"Nuggle (snuggle)" (while bringing me your blanket and reaching up)
"Bad bad" (acknowledging you are in trouble)
"Shhhhhh" (With finger over your lips and usually directed at barking dogs)
"hungry" 

"Smells good!" (You sniff everything)

"BOW (WHOA)" Anytime you trip or feel unstable you say this.
"thirsty"
"I want -------- (insert random word here)"
"poopoo"
"teetee"
"I want candy" (after going on the potty)

"I wanna be baybeh!" (Pretending to be a newborn swaddled up in your towel after your bath)

More fun facts:

You hop when you get excited. If you bring me something you want and I say okay, you hop. When I show you something new, you hop. I can always tell when I have received cool mom points because you hop.

You are the door patrol. If a door is open, it must be closed immediately. If there is a button on that doorknob it must be pressed. Lucky for me our interior doors are easy to unlock.

You are super messy but you love cleaning up after yourself. I have decided that you intentionally make messes specifically so that you can help clean them up.

You are a climber. If I look away from you for a split second, you're on top of something. I really don't even worry about it that much anymore. I stay ahead of you and keep dangers out of your reach and locked up.

Most of the time when you climb it is because you want to wash your hands, so I had to teach you how to control the faucets and water temperature so that you wouldn't scald yourself.

You are the cleanest kid I've ever known. You hate having dirty hands and you say "ewww" when you see mud or poop. You like playing in dirt though, so we are okay. You're obsessed with brushing your teeth, washing your hands, taking baths and wiping up messes.

You love gum. You ask for gum at least 30 times per day. It's becoming a problem. Lately your worst fits are caused by me refusing to give you a piece. 

You can now go up and down the stairs independently. I still follow directly behind or in front of you because the thought of you falling terrifies me. 

You give the best kisses ever, hands down! 

Be still, and know that I am God

On August 18, I was scrolling through my instagram feed and saw this post from your most beloved baby blanket brand so I figured why not?

The entry took me thirty seconds to complete and then I took this screenshot to send to your daddy to let him know just in case you happened to win. We semi-jokingly remarked that of course your adorable face would win (like any parent would.) Something in my gut told me you stood a chance. It was out of the norm because we never enter into things like this.

On the 25th of August, I found out that you had been selected from over 500 entries to participate in the photo shoot in Manhattan. I'm proud of you little guy. 

This whole thing really got me thinking. My baby isn't even two yet and the world is already wanting him. They're clawing at him already. Okay, that's dramatic. I did enter him into this contest. BUT it won't be long before the world is clawing at him.

I am finding that I cannot pray enough lately. Raising kids in this world would be terrifying if I didn't know better. What I mean is I know that I have to let go and trust God to protect him despite my own fears. 

It is my basic motherly instinct to want to helicopter parent that baby o' mine. I want to hover all over that child and keep him at an arms length. I want to be close enough to catch him before he falls. I want to wipe the tears away before they hit the floor. I want to smack away all the bad guys before they even set eyes on him. I want to build fences around his heart and lock it up.

However I know that doing so would be doing him a disservice. I have to let him be a little boy. He needs the freedom to run free and explore. He needs to feel like he is capable of doing things by himself and for himself. He has to make his own mistakes and learn from them. I have to give him the freedom to not be a .... (sniffle) baby anymore. 

I pray that God sends positive people into this child's life who will guide him, better him and bring him joy. I pray that God will use him to do the same to others and be a shining light for Him. 

I need my village to pray for me as I have been particularly emotional lately. I am so thankful to have the gift of such a precious child to parent. I am overwhelmed with emotion at the fact that my son, although he will forever remain my baby, is leaving the treasured years of infancy behind and we are moving onto a new phase in our lives. 

The fact that we can sit and have full conversations now or that he can run and play at the park completely unassisted is so much. Just so much. It's the best thing ever, but it's a lot. It's so much that it's messing up my grammar and my sentences aren't even complete right now. I think I'm just confused because everyone says that time flies and I'm looking back and I know that I cherished every second but I feel like there is so much time unaccounted for. The first year flew by, the second year was the speed of light, if the third year goes by any faster than that he's going to be grown by next week. I just can't.

BAM

“Be still, and know that I am God."

Psalm 46:10

Wow! Cool how God does that. Seriously, like mid panic attack here and he just threw that verse at me. I probably would've edited my little blog freak out up there to make it not so random and all over the place, but I think in this case it really shows what God did with me there. There were multiple other things going on in my mind that weren't being typed out in this blog that He handled with this verse as well. On that note, I'm done here. I have some thanking to do.

When God Says Speak

I keep hearing God telling my heart to speak. Speak = write. So, here I am. Initially I was going to keep this all to myself in hopes of eventually "surprising" our loved ones with happy news instead of dragging them along the whole ride with us again. However, it's become clear to me that isn't in the cards for us. I'm letting it go. 

When I found out that I was finally pregnant with Grayson, I told myself I would be perfectly content if God's plan was for me to have only one biological child. As you know, the cycle during which we conceived Grayson was our final attempt before moving forward with our adoption plans. 

A second child has been on my mind pretty much since Grayson was born. When conceiving doesn't come easily, you don't get the luxury of not planning ahead to an extent. I have bounced back and forth between whether I want to attempt to conceive again or jump straight into adoption this time. 

My pregnancy with Grayson ended very dangerously. Preeclampsia can be life threatening and I had a severe form. My chances of that recurring in a future pregnancy are about 30%. I have to take this fact very seriously knowing that IVF is another risk factor boosting that up even more. Upon learning this initially, it was a no brainer that we should adopt. 

For reasons unknown to me, I feel God very strongly telling me I need to try anyway. I feel God telling me that He isn't ready for our family to adopt at this time. I feel like this is in our future somewhere down the line, but I keep hearing "not yet." I know with prayer anything is possible and that He will protect me from harm.

Every time I think I know the next move, God speaks. Last week we went back to our fertility specialist for a consultation. We are all set to go physically and emotionally, but now we need God to make it possible for us financially. I know He can and will do this when He says it's time. 

After realizing on Friday that we wouldn't be able to do this in September like we previously planned for, I slipped. I slipped back down into the bitterness that consumed me for so long while trying to conceive Grayson. I trampled over everyone this weekend and hurt feelings. I got angry at God again. It hurts. The pain cut so deep that it made me angry. 

Saturday night I realized that I needed to be humbled. I realized that God was asking me to willingly give him the driver's seat in my life again. He made me acknowledge once again that no matter what I think, he has always had control. This is a lesson He has to be getting tired of teaching me over and over again. (Control freak problems) I prayed that He would speak to me and bring me back to the mindset that I needed to be in.

It all came full circle Sunday morning at church. They sang "Cry Out to Jesus" before the message and the tears began to fall. I knew that song was just for me. It was everything that I needed to hear in that very moment. After that, our message was about finding your spiritual gifts and figuring out where that can be plugged into the church. 

Brother Danny then very specifically said something along the lines of "if you have an idea of a new ministry, tell us, we are always open and growing." A light bulb came on and I remembered that several months ago I had looked into starting a support group for women going through these kinds of hard times, but there was no place for me to use and I got discouraged and distracted. (ADHD problems)

I feel like God allowed me to feel this recent pain and discouragement to remind me how helpful it might be for other women. If it wouldn't have been so fresh on my memory, I probably wouldn't have heard that particular part of the message so loud and clear.

This morning a dear friend of mine send me an encouraging message which seemed literally out of the blue. She very kindly inquired about our plans for future children and explained that God had been putting it on her heart to pray for us specifically regarding this. It completely amazed me that while I was busy being self-centered and having a mini pity party this weekend, God was already gathering my prayer warriors. How awesome is that? God always knows our needs before we do. 

This is when I knew it was time for me to speak out about this. I had hoped to be more private this time, but I know God speaks through His people. I know my experiences can help people, have helped people and will continue to help people. So here I am, putting it all out there for you. 

In conclusion, there is an abundance of prayer needs here...

First and foremost, that God will be glorified in this process. That I will remain undistracted so that I can hear His voice speaking loud and clear. That God will bring people to me that I can direct to Him in this process. That He can use my story and myself to change lives. We need prayers that I stay level headed and at peace with God's plan. I need prayers for patience to wait for God's voice before making any big moves. I am a go getter, so when I want something it's extremely hard for me to wait. I need God to hold my heart in his hands all of the time. I need direction on whether or not I am actually the woman He wants to start a group like previously mentioned.

We need God to provide us with $15,000 to attempt IVF. I know that when it's His will, He comes through for us on BIG needs like this, because it happened 4 times in our attempts with Grayson. That's not even counting the many expenses for surgeries, less invasive treatments, etc before the IVFs. At first I hesitated to share the exact number, but it's nothing you can't google and find out yourself so for the sake of praying specifically, $15k. We need that in order to even begin the process again. 

A Masterpiece Takes Time

Little Man, you have sure kept me busy lately. It seems like this summer has been literally nonstop. Since we've been home from our trips, it's been something fun every weekend.

One of our most recent exciting events was our sweet friends Thomas and Amanda's wedding. You had the honor of being a ring bearer while I got to stand by them as a bridesmaid. You did so well and were absolutely adorable as always. It was so cool to have us both sharing in such a big day in their lives. It was a crisis because the suit that we rented for you was huge (size 4/5) and swallowed you whole. You wear a 2T so you must have been severely mismeasured at the fitting. We had to scramble the morning of the wedding and send both your Nana and Nene on a hunt to buy clothes that fit and matched the rest of the boys in the wedding. Luckily, they are awesome and it happened. I love getting to be your mom and take part in things like this. Your favorite part was wearing your new boots. You finally own a pair just like Daddy's. Here are a few photos of your handsome self...

You recently recovered from a nasty respiratory virus. When you get it, you get it bad (like Usher) because you have reactive airways. When you were 5 months old you caught RSV even though I was extremely OCD and germaphobic, so now you wheeze anytime you catch a cold. Thankfully, that hasn't been too often, because I hate when you're not well and because you hate your breathing treatments. 

Shortly after you recovered from that, you got attacked by ants. I thought you were simply picking grass or something until you started frantically sprinting across the yard and shaking your arms. I've only ran (possibly flown) to you that fast once before and that was when you tumbled down the stairs. It was incredibly sad and it freaked you out so badly that you pooped your pants. That's not a huge deal when you're in diapers, but it broke my heart for you. Fortunately, we had been swimming so there was a pool of water that I ran and dunked you into clothes and all. Your right arm wasn't so bad because it was the one I brushed the ants off of first, but they ate your left one up. They were trapped between your fingers and I had to pick them all out. There were over 50 bites in all, most of them on your left hand. It was horrible and you wouldn't go back into the grass for a few days. 

This week we have had a sleepover with our best friends for 4 nights in a row. Your daddy went to uncle Logan's bachelor party in Cancun so Christin and Kylar came to stay with us. We had so much fun. Since you have shown an interest in movies lately, we took you to the theater to see "Planes" and you did exceptionally well. I've never known a one year old to sit still through almost the entire thing. You slept through the first part, then watched most of it in my lap. It was only about the last 15 minutes that you started getting antsy so I took you to play Cruisin' USA in the arcade instead. You're obsessed with that game. 

You didn't act like you missed daddy that much, but you proved that you did when he got home. You were sound asleep but when he walked in the bedroom you opened your eyes and caught a glimpse of him. You smiled the biggest smile I've ever seen on your face. You continued smiling while in and out of sleep for no less than 30 minutes. It was so precious that I cried (embarrassing mom moment.) It makes me tearfully happy to see you that happy. 

On a better note, today we went to the zoo with Ashlee, Mason, Christin and Kylar. You constantly amaze me with how smart you are. You recognize a lot of the animals now. Seeing how you react differently than even a couple of months ago is really neat. This time, you loved the birds and fish. A bird actually landed on your head and you handled it like a total champ. You recognized the deer. You yelled "ohhhhh BAD BUG" at the tarantulas. You said "dog" excitedly when you saw the meerkat so I just went with it. You said "nuh uh" and made a scared face when the tiger got close to the glass (it freaks me out too buddy.) 

Last but not least, tonight was your first swim lesson. You did AMAZING. You're such a water baby. You're not the least bit timid in the water which scares me a tad, but that's exactly why we're taking lessons. I can't wait to see the skills you learn.

How will you be 20 months old in 3 days? I'm so proud of the little boy you are becoming. You have been such a happy baby from the start and now you're growing into such a pleasant little boy. If only I had known what God had in store for us... Your sweet soul was SO worth the wait! Now I know, a masterpiece takes time. You are truly beautiful inside and out.